Fading Away
by angel-death-dealer
Summary: Sawyer's changed since they got back...but is it too late to act on it when Kate is his victim? Jate oneshot.


Returning from the Other's camp hadn't exactly been the happy reunion they'd hoped for. After being seperated for so long, they were glad to be together once again, particularly Jack and Kate. Kate, although being with Sawyer, had ended feeling completely alone, left only with the Southerner and his flirtatious attempts. After a while, he had started to act different. He'd been taken by the Others, and when he had returned, he hadn't been himself. His flirting, which, would usually amuse her because she knew it was all in fun, started to unease her. He'd get a glint in his eye that unnerved her to no end, and she wished to be with Jack even more.

When they'd returned, Kate was apprehensive about Sawyer coming with them, and she tried to assure herself that Sawyer would never do anything to hurt one of them. After all, they'd been through so much together, and he was definately on thier side, right? Still, despite all her self assurances, she couldn't help feeling that maybe they'd all be better off if he had remained inside the bear cage.

She hated herself for thinking like that towards one of her friends, but she couldn't shake the feeling that this wasn't the same person anymore.

Having flatly, but inwardly feeling uneasy, turned down all of Sawyer's requests, Kate found herself pulling closer towards Jack. Even back at camp, when Jack decided that it was safe to start sleeping at the caves again, she was tempted to go there at night, even though she hated the closed in area they slept it.

When she asked whether there'd be a place for her at the caves, Jack had known straight away that something was wrong. She never liked going to the caves, other than to fill up the water. She stayed as far away as possible most of the time, but now she was willingly going to sleep there. He'd questioned her, and when she'd come out with her reply, he knew that his own fears were confirmed.

"I don't want to stay near Sawyer."

Considering the friendship between her and Sawyer, he knew that something was going on. He'd noticed how Kate never let herself be with Sawyer on her own anymore, and, when given the choice, she'd always be around Jack, as if for protection. Everyone had noticed the difference in Sawyer, and it was only when he started to look for it, that he began to see it. Nobody trusted him anymore, and he seemed to love it. If anything, he seemed perfectly happy to unsettle everyone.

Sayid confided in Jack that same afternoon, that he feared Sawyer had been compromised, and then Kate revealed about the room they'd found Karl, in, and how Sawyer had reacted to it.

Clearly, Sawyer had been brainwashed by the Others.

So, that night, Kate made her way to the caves, after seeing that Sawyer was in his shelter for the night. It wasn't dark yet, but he had still retired, and she'd have enough time to get to the caves, as she had arranged with Jack, before darkness began to fall. After confiding in him about her unease with Sawyer, he was practically begging her to spent the nights closer to him, so that she would feel more comfortable.

She was halfway to the caves when a twig snapped behind her. She stopped instantly, freezing in place, and listening intently. She slowly moved her head, seeing what, if anything, was behind her, but was met with nothing but the empty path she was on.

It was starting to get darker now, she realised, quicker than she'd thought it would, but she carried on regardless, telling herself that it was just an animal or a lizard that had caused the twig to snap. It had happened before. It was nothing to worry about. Even the tiniest animals in this jungle seemed capable of causing unease if you were in the right mindset, which Kate clearly was.

The sound came again, this time, not from several yards behind her, but rather, right beside her. It was accompanied by movement in the bushes, and when she whipped her head round, she was sure that she could see the dark sillhoette of something inside of it, and two eyes, watching her...

Breaking into a run, she headed for the caves, but within seconds, she was grabbed, one hand gripping her arm tightly from behind whilst the other came over her mouth, muffling her screams.

----------

Back at the caves, Jack was putting away his medical supplies. Sun had cut her arm rather nastily whilst in her garden, and he had cleaned and covered it for her. It wasn't deep enough to need any stitches, but he was concerned that a graze that size would be a welcoming target for an infection. Sun offered to help him, but he told her that he was fine, and so she went back over towards Jin, who was already lying down ready for sleep. Also in the clearing around the caves was Sayid, Hurley, Rose and Bernard. Not many of them chose to sleep at the caves again, but Jack preferred it.

"Kate?"

Sun's voice was filled with worry, and shock, so Jack's voice whipped up, particularly when it was Kate's name that invoked such panic in her voice. When he saw Kate almost staggering into the clearing, silently sobbing, he was filled with such a pain in his chest that he was stilled for a moment, just taking in the awful image of what was before him. Tears were on her cheeks, along with the presence of dirt and, to his mild horror, smearings of blood. There was more blood on the shoulder of her t-shirt, which was torn horrifically, barely covering her, as were her jeans. When he saw more blood drip into her shoulder, he realised that the blood was coming from the side of her head.

"Kate!" He half shouted, hearing his own fear as he found his voice. He ran over to her as she staggered blindly into the camp, not seeing or hearing anyone who came near to her. She dropped into her knees as Jack came near her, still not seeing that he was there despite his call, and he dropped instantly beside her, skidding on the ground slightly in his haste.

He attempted to gather her into his arms, but she struggled against him, fighting him with a strength that seemed to come from nowhere. "No!" She protested, her voice weak and hoarse, as if she had been shouting. "Jack...I want Jack." She said, unaware that it was him who held her.

He pulled away slightly, gently turning her chin so that she could see his face. "Kate...Kate, it's me. It's Jack...look at me." Her eyes raised, and when she saw it was him, fresh tears spilled over her cheeks, and she let out a long, shaky breath as just the tiniest bit of relief flowed through her. "What happened, Kate?" He asked her, trying to remain calm.

When she spoke, her voice was more of a strangled sob than anything else. However, what she was what they all feared, and the word was as clear as day when they heard it through her choke.

"Sawyer."

As soon as the word has escaped her lips, choking on it as if the name itself were a poison that hurt her, she broke into loud sobs. Instantly, Jack pulled her back against him, holding her close as he tried to make her calm down, even though her trembling was so violent that it was transfering to his own body.

"Dude, what did he do to her?" Hurley asked, the first of the onlookers to speak as the rest still stood with silent shock at the scene before them.

"He's hurt her...that's enough for me." Jack said bitterly, feeling more hatred for Sawyer than ever before.

He lifted Kate from the ground, keeping her tightly in his arms. He took her over to the outside of the cave he used, and he lay her out on the airplane seat which he usually used as an examination table. Rose was the first to follow him, taking a seat on the rock beside where Kate's head lay. When Jack pulled away, Kate clung closer to his neck, not wanting him to let go of her.

He whispered to her tenderly, his lips close to her ear. "Hey, it's okay. I'm not going anywhere, I promise." He assured her.

"What are you-" She started, but had to break off with the sob that choked her when she tried to withhold it.

"It's okay, I'm just going to get something to clean your cut with." He told her. "I'm not even going to be three feet away."

Kate nodded, releasing her arms from around his neck and laying back completely on the chair. Rose leaned closer, stroking Kate's hair and whispering to her softly as Jack got a clean cloth and a bottle of peroxide from the drawers beside the chair. When he got back to his side, he saw that Kate had shut her eyes tightly, as if trying to block out a monster before her eyes. He placed his hand the side of her forehead, on the opposite side to where her cut was.

"Shh...it's okay." He told her, when her tightly clamped eyes flew open at the contact. "This is going to hurt a little, okay?" She nodded, and guiding her softly, he turned her head so that he could get better access to the bleeding wound.

He poured the peroxide onto the cloth, and then dabbed at it softly. To his surprise, she didn't even flinch at the pain which would undoubtly come from the size of the wound and the amount of peroxide seeping into the skin around it. Still, she didn't even acknowledge that something was paining her, which suggested her mental hurt was too great for her to notice any more phsyical pain.

Putting the cloth aside with intent to clean it later, he allowed Kate to sit up so that she could drink. He held a bottle of water to her lips. "Here, drink this." He prompted, but she nearly choked when she drank desperately. "No, slowly, slowly...that's it." He told her softly.

When he pulled the water away, she looked up at him with almost apologetic eyes. "Jack." She gasped desperately, fighting the sobs that threatened to overcome her once again. "I...I...I didn't mean for it to happen...he just...I didn't..."

She was babbling insanely, and breathing was taking the back seat to her need to speak. He put his hands on her shoulders, keeping eye contact with her. She was going to hyperventilate if she didn't calm soon. "Shh...just calm down, Kate." He whispered. "It's okay, you're safe now."

She looked around, breaking the connection he was relying on to calm her, and darting her eyes to every corner of the camp, afraid of what might be lurking. "Sawyer." She repeated. "Where is he? Where did he go?"

"He's not here, Kate." Jack told her, as she brought her eyes back to his. "He's not here. It's just us, okay?"

She tried a few deep breaths, but she shook her head, swallowing the bile that rose up in her throat. "I thought he was going to kill me, Jack." She told him, more fear in her voice than he'd ever heard before. "He had this...thing. I don't know what it was but...but he hit me with it...on my head..." He instantly checked her head again, knowing that she had been hit with something. How hard? Was she concussed? Had the hit done more damage internally, something that he couldn't fix? "I thought he was going to kill me." She repeated through a sob.

Jack placed his hand on her cheek, drawing his eyes away from the wound, which he had stalled the bleeding on now, and back to her teary and scared eyes, which looked to him for comfort. His thumb stroked a gentle pattern on her pale cheek. "You're okay." He repeated softly. "You're safe now, Kate. I'm here. I'm going to take care of you."

"What if he comes back?" She asked in a tiny voice, like a child.

"I promise you, Kate. Nothing's going to happen to you while I'm here." He told her determinedly.

"Don't leave me..." She begged in a tiny whisper.

He shook his head lightly. "Not for a second."

Kate took a few more calming breaths, when prompted, and Jack dispersed the small crowd, telling them that she needed space, and that she'd be okay. When they left, he lifted Kate into his arms, letting her hold onto him like a scared child, with her legs either side of his waist, and her arms around his neck. She took deep breaths, with the occassional sob escaping her as she rested her head in the gap between his shoulder and neck that fitted her perfectly. All the while, he let her cling to him, holding her reassuringly as he rubbed her back gently, never letting her forget that he was there.

"Kate, I need you to tell me what happened." He told her, as her breathing became almost regular again. She raised her head, looking at him, the fear returning to her eyes again. "What did he do to you?" He asked her, afraid of the answer he would get, but needing to know. She didn't say anything to answer him. "It's okay, Kate, you can tell me."

She bit her lip, taking a shaky breath. "If I tell you...If I tell you, what are you going to do?" She asked him wearily.

"I'm going to kill him." He said bitterly, and she was shocked to see so much concern for her flooding his eyes, so much that they appeared almost black in the darkness which had fully engulfed them now. "But not now..." He added. "...I'm not leaving your side."

Kate took a deep breath, returning her head to the crevice his neck provided for her, and gathering the same courage she'd used to tell him about her concerns that morning. "He attacked me." She told him, not removing her head from the safety of feeling his pulse beating against the side of her head. She still clamped her eyes tightly, willing herself not to picture what she was about to tell him, and he stayed silent, allowing her to continue. "I was walking here, like we agreed, when it was still light...but I heard something following me...I started to run, but he grabbed me and put his hand over my mouth...I tried to scream, but he hit me over the head with that thing. I guess I got knocked out, because when I woke up he...he was on top of me...and my...my clothes were ripped all over and he was...he was..."

She broke off, unable to say the words, but she felt Jack's arms come tighter around her. "Did he...?" He prompted, unable to say the words himself, and she could hear in his voice that he had his own tears he was holding back. She knew that he couldn't let them escape though. She knew he would try to be strong for her.

She nodded to his question, balling his shirt up in her first and burying her face closer into his neck. He swore underneath his breath, having never felt more hatred for Sawyer in his life. Surely the brainwashing they all feared would never lead him to do something so horrific...so inhuman...as what he had done to Kate, of all people. Kate was probably the only person on the island who had fully trusted him, which is what had originally led to a lot of people withdrawing thier trust in the first place.

"He's never going anywhere near you again." Jack said, half for his own state of mind. He needed to say out loud that he wasn't going to let Sawyer anywhere near her, and he knew that she needed to hear it as well.

"I called out...for you..." She told him, sniffling a little against him. "...and he just hit me, every time I did..."

He held her tighter, if that was possible, and thier bodies were almost entirely fused together. "I should have been there." He said regretfully. "I shouldn't have let you walk up here alone. We all knew that Sawyer had changed since we got back..." He sighed, turning his head a little and placing a kiss on the unharmed side of her head, hit lips hitting her hair softly, but enough for her to feel it. "I'm sorry, I should have taken better care of you." He whispered apologetically to her.

"No...don't do that..." She told him shaking her head against him. "I don't blame you...don't blame yourself...just...just please, don't leave me. I can't. I need you..." She said, tears choking her voice once again.

"Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere." He assured her, and she knew that he meant it.

They fell into another silence as he held her. His voice still whispered to her reassuringly, and despite his protection towards her, she still felt damanged, and was unable to look him in the eye. However, the safety she felt in his arms, and the security she got from feeling his comforting words against the side of her neck were more than she could bear to move away from. So she stayed in his arms, she clung to him all the same, and she kept her eyes hidden away from his. But, no matter how many minutes she remained there, she knew that eventually, she would have to tell him the only thing that was playing on her mind.

The reason.

The reason she had gone immediately to Jack for safety.

The reason why she had called out for him.

The reason why she was the only person she would allow to hold her.

The reason for everything.

"I was going to tell you tonight." She told him in a tiny whisper, one that he wasn't sure he had heard entirely at first, but knew that she had spoken because he had felt her breath send the familiar shivers along his spine. "I was going to tell you, but I dont think I should now."

"Tell me what?" He asked her.

"You won't want to know." She said sadly. "Not...not after this. Not anymore."

He rocked her gently in his arms, just once from side to side. "Kate, you can tell me anything." He reminded her, prompting her to tell him still.

She bit her lip, an action that he could feel when her chin scraped the top of his t-shirt slightly. "I was going to thank you for everything..." She told him, "And...and tell you that...I love you."

Despite the situation they had found themselves in, he found her words bringing a smile to his lips. He let out a small breath, not sure whether it was one that just came with his smile, or one of relief that his feelings were finally being matched. When he'd said to himself that he'd do anything for her to feel the same, however, he hadn't wanted it to come to these lengths.

He placed his lips to the side of her head again, as she was adament that she shouldn't look him in the eye. This lip he let his lips linger, and spoke against her. "Kate, why wouldn't that matter?" He asked her softly, his voice gentler than before, and filled with the love that he matched.

"Because he...because I'm tainted...I'm damaged goods." She said, a small hiccough moving them both slightly.

Jack raised her head from his shoulder, lifting her chin with his fingers, and giving her a smile. He wiped the tears from underneath her eyes, and as he did, he reminded her of a time when things had been more innocent, which had, coincidently, resulted in the last time that thier bodies were this closely fused together. "We're both damaged goods, remember?" He said, repeating the words that she'd told him. She nodded, and finally met his eyes, so close that he could see each pearly tear residue sticking to her eyelashes, the moonlight hitting them so that they shined. "Kate, I've loved you for a long time," He told her. "Nothing that Sawyer has done will ever change that."

The fear in eyes that had been there since she had first stumbled into the clearing finally disappeared. She released the balled fist of his shirt that she held tightly still, and wound her arms around is neck, hugging him tightly as he kissed her hair. This time, their faces were pressed, cheek to cheek, and despite her paleness, he found that her cheeks were, in fact, as warm as he remembered her lips to be.

"I love you." He repeated gently. "I always will."

"Thank you." She whispered back, her eyes shining once more but not out of fear. "I still love you too. I just..."

"It's okay, I understand." He nodded against her, his lips grazing her ear as he spoke. He understood that she needed to wait. He knew that she'd need time before physical contact progressed any further from what they had at that moment. He understood it, even though his resentment for Sawyer caused him to hate it. He felt her starting to relax in his arms, the deep words spoken having given her a new safety that she drew from him. "Try and get some sleep, Kate." He tempted her.

Immediately, though, she tensed in his arms, shaking her head. "No-I can't-"

"Kate, I'm not going to let go of you." He told her quickly, when he realised that, by that, he meant leaving her alone to sleep. "Unless you want to go lay down somewhere else, I'm going to hold you in my arms all night long." He assured her.

She shook her head once more. "No, he's okay." She replied in a tired voice, giving in slowly to the fatigue that had overcome her so suddenly.

"Go to sleep." He whispered in her ear, his soothing voice lulling her further into a world that she knew she could forget her horrors in. "I'm here. You're with me. You're safe now."

She slowly fell into the slumber that crept upon on, and, true to his word, Jack remained in that position long past when the sun rose the next day. He never closed his eyes on the sleep that begged to him, because he was too alert for that. He was filled with the protection that Kate needed from him. The rest of the people who slept at the caves came over in the morning, and asked how Kate was, seeing how she was still in the exact position they'd last seen her in, and Jack assured them that she was going to be okay.

He did, however, send Sayid down to the beach, to see if Sawyer were there. He didn't trust himself to go looking for the Southerner, and he'd like to have said it was because he didn't want to leave Kate, but he knew in the back of his mind that it was because he didn't trust himself for what he'd do. He'd never killed a man in cold blood before, but he was afraid that he would. He was more afraid of the fact that he wanted to.

Sayid returned with the news that Sawyer, when darkness had fallen, had come into his shelter from the jungle, and gathered his essentials, leaving behind all of his stash, and had walked down the beach, in the direction of the Other's island. The rest of the castaways told of how he had simply said "I don't belong here anymore", before disappearing completely, and they had not seen him since.

But still, Jack knew that, if he ever saw him again, he would kill him. That never left him, not in the years that followed. Not when Kate was ready to progress in their relationship, taking it to the highest level possible, in which they made promises on the beach before a sunset. Not when she had fallen pregnant with their first child. Not even when she had delivered their third. In fact, this had only intensified his determination, because he was now not only responsible for Kate's safety, but also of his three children; Kayleigh, Joseph and Rebecca. They needed him now, and whilst it was, in some way, down to Sawyer's actions that had made this day possible, Jack had known that they would have found their way together eventually. He would have waited a lifetime for Kate, but now, he had a waiting feeling for Sawyer to return, always fearful that he would.

One day, he did say goodbye to this fear, on his eldest daughter's seventh birthday, when they had been rescued by a cargo plane. Only when they had safely arrived in Figi, did he finally get past what his once rival had done to the woman he loved, but never, never did he forget it.


End file.
